Breaking: Michael Bay dreht Thundercats

20 Comments

ZOMG! The Onion fucks up Michael Bay!

In the largest deal ever made to shit out a movie, Warner Bros. and director Michael Bay announced a landmark $50 million agreement this week to monumentally fuck up ThunderCats.

“I couldn’t be more excited to completely fuck this up,” said Bay, who plans to begin production on destroying the live-action adaptation next month. “ThunderCats has a great story, endearing characters, action, adventure, space-travel, and fantasy. It will be an honor to run it into the ground.”

“I’ll use every directorial tool I have to suck the very life and charm out of this beloved cartoon,” added Bay, claiming that the film could turn out to be the most colossal piece of shit he’s ever worked on. “I won’t rest until I get every last scene exactly wrong.”

According to executives, Warner Bros. settled on Bay after a 12-month search of Hollywood’s most reviled directors, including Joel Schumacher, Roland Emmerich, and Brett Ratner. In the end, the studio decided only Bay could be relied upon to deliver a 220-minute cinematic clusterfuck with enough tedious performances, overblown cinematography, and CGI explosions to make even the most casual fan want to scratch their eyes out.

“No filmmaker working today has Bay’s ability to somehow direct his actors to be both emotionless and melodramatic at once,” Warner Bros. CEO Barry Meyer said. “And I personally can’t wait to see how he needlessly overcomplicates the plot.”

Michael Bay Signs $50M Deal To Fuck Up ‘Thundercats’

In : Filmfun

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20 Comments

  1. mandarine_one

    argh.. meine kindheit wird konsequent von holywood kaputt gemacht

  2. SuppenkaZper

    wie verdammt lustig ^^ hammer

  3. mat wurst

    snarf snarf :(

  4. Mozzerino

    Noch lachen wir…..wahrscheinlich ists bald traurige Realität.

  5. Ranor

    Muhahahaha… Michael Bay SUUUUUCKS!! Hahahaa… How Funny

    ….

    NOT!

  6. -sKy-

    Miese Serie + Bay… lol ^^

  7. Patrick B. Rau

    Er soll sich lieber auf Transformers 2, 3, 4, 5, 6 und 7 konzentrieren.

  8. Eric

    Ist das auf dem kleinen Bild etwas Tara Raid?

    Wenn ja ist ja die Besetzung gar nicht schlecht, da ja Earl auch noch dabei ist.

  9. kumi

    Blöd geschminkte Schauspieler mimen blöde Zeichentrickserienhelden. Wen schert’s? Mich nich. :-)

    Ich will Captain Future als Realverfilmung, aber bitte in gut!

  10. Kiran

    Klares Fake :D Aber sehr geil geschrieben. Wenn Michael Bay genauso wie Jim Carrey im Film “Der Dummschwätzer” nur die Wahrheit sagen müsste, käme bestimmt dass dabei heraus :D

  11. kumi

    LOL, ich habe gar nicht auf den Link geklickt und mal wieder alles geglaubt :-)

  12. Rocksteady

    “Bay, who claimed viewers won’t be able to tell if the climactic final battle is between two blurry elbows or a half dozen leopard-print pillows. ”

    ROFLSHAUSEN!

  13. XfrogX

    Wäre das nicht noch eher was für unsern uwe boll? Ich meine computerspiele hat er nun zur genüge scheisse verfilmt, langsam wirds mal zeit alte zeichentrick serien mies neu aufzulegen.

  14. Patrick B. Rau

    Ob Bay oder Boll ist dann auch voll egal.

  15. Batzman

    Großartige Satire wie von THE ONION gewohnt…. klingt zwar ein bißchen nach dem Newest piece of shit which doesnt do what its supposed to, aber dennoch sehr auf den Punkt.

    Michael Bay ist vereint wirklich alles was an Hollywood widerwärtig ist und lässt Roland Emmerich noch als talentierten Independent Filmer erscheinen…

  16. Ericson

    Oh Gott sei Dank nur ein Fake!

    Also für eine Realverfilmung taugt Thundercats nun mal echt nicht! Oder wer will Katzenmenschen rumlaufen und dann auf Katzenklo rennen sehen? Ich bin zwar ein Fan von denen, aber eine Realverfilmung wäre des guten zuviel.
    Und Bay ist es der Falsche! Wenn dann Sam Raimi in guter alter Evil Dead-Form!

  17. Gordon Bujak

    Na da

  18. Olli

    Das wäre der perfekte Trailer dazu ^^

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